Guilt and Shame: The Power of Acceptance & Acknowledgement
By Zoe Hart, BSW, Dr. Marina Heifetz - Editor
The American Psychological Association (2018) defines guilt as “a self-conscious emotion characterized by a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something wrong often accompanied by a readiness to undo or mitigate this wrong.” Brene Brown conceptualizes guilt as adaptive and helpful, a direct contrast between something we feel we have done wrong and our values causing psychological discomfort. Brown describes shame as an excruciating feeling of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and connection.
Research has documented that guilt and accompanying feelings of shame can produce headaches, indigestion, and muscle tension alongside symptoms of anxiety and depression. Negative coping mechanisms, lower levels of empathy, and decreased self-forgiveness are also identified as potential outcomes of feeling guilty (Brody, 2024; Bynum & Goodie, 2014).
However, recent research is emerging that suggests that feelings of guilt can actually be good for us; that is, it can have a positive impact on our mental health, resilience, and personal development. As parents, learning how to cope with guilt and employ healthy self-care practices is crucial and a good way to start modeling this self-compassion and growth for children and youth as well.
Guilt is labeled as a moral emotion that reminds us that we are human and have feelings. In one particular study conducted by Luck and Luck-Sikorski (2021), 68% of participants indicated that they experienced longstanding feelings of intense guilt.
It is suggested that moral emotions influence a key link between moral standards and subsequent moral behaviour. In other words, experiencing guilt can actively influence how we choose to act and grow in the future. Recognizing and reflecting on actions of the past that contribute to guilt can allow us to practice self-compassion and learn from our mistakes. The key is learning how to label, manage, and respond to these feelings in productive ways, and let go of thoughts that no longer serve us.
While many of us can relate to experiencing feelings of guilt, it may be difficult to understand how these tough emotions could possibly benefit us. “Healthy guilt” refers to a kind of self-correction and personal development that can impact our self-talk, growth, and resilience characterized by said readiness to undo or mitigate our wrongs. On the other hand, “unhealthy guilt” can leave lasting negative impacts on our mental health and be a persistent reminder of actions or experiences we might rather forget.
Roy F. Baumeister, co-author of “Guilt: An Intersectional Approach” further explains the benefits of healthy guilt, and offers a few tips for how people can begin to manage and grow from their guilt:
Anticipate your guilt to influence potential actions
Accept responsibility for and acknowledge your guilt
Reward and credit yourself for being accountable
Be self-compassionate and be kind to yourself
Turn strong feelings into direct actions and progress
It is important to mention that shifting our perceptions and subsequent reactions to feelings of guilt is not necessarily easy, and requires patience and introspection. Remember to be patient and kind with yourself, and reach out for support if needed.
Sources
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2024/05/19/guilt-emotion-conscience-growth/
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1994-25268-001
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3083636/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33295786/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25307632/
https://brenebrown.com/articles/2013/01/15/shame-v-guilt/
