Toys and play to invest in for children this holiday season!
By Melissa Rourke, Ph.D. Candidate
The holiday season can be a difficult time to navigate for many families. Especially, with the cost of living, busy schedules, social events, and so many things on our to-do lists. As we move into this time, here are some ideas to ponder as we think about what gifts to buy for our kiddos.
1) Building toys such as Magnatiles, Lego, and Blocks, are open-ended toys that allow your child to demonstrate creativity. Allow your child to build whatever structure they like. Focusing on the process of building rather than the outcome. This can help to combat perfectionism and enhance creativity. Creating with your child can help to build connection. Play in a non-judgemental flexible way. No expectations! Comment on what your child is doing to help them to feel seen. Follow their lead and join in if invited. Labelling what they are doing, “you are putting the blue block on top of the red block”, helps our kids feel important, that we value what they are doing. Asking questions, like, “Can I play with this character or this one? What do you think?” gives them the chance to explore what it feels like when they are in control.
2) Sensory toys, such as Kinetic Sand or PlayDoh can help your child to explore different textures and soothe their senses. It can encourage messy play. Adding characters and objects to the sand can also encourage creative pretend play!
3) Imaginative play in which your child plays the person/thing taking charge, such as when they are the doctor and you are the patient. Allowing your child to explore taking charge over you during play is a good way to build connection and allow them some autonomy. They can practice speaking in a professional way, or directing the behaviour of another person, improving their sense of strength and building self-confidence and assertiveness.
4) Build and invest in a Tickle Trunk! Buying various costumes and outfits (thrift store anyone?) can help children explore different careers, ways of being, relationships, and more. Children learn through play and experience, so focusing on imaginative and collaborative play is always a good idea. These types of toys never get boring and the possibilities for play are endless!
5) Leaning into their areas of interest! Engaging in your child’s interest can improve their engagement in play in a natural way. You can expand their interest by adding in other types of play within that area, such as, working through emotions or social situations while playing with dinosaurs (e.g., “Oh no! The triceratops isn’t feeling well today, I wonder if they need some rest” or “The t-rex looks very angry! I wonder what made him so mad!”).
6) Planned screen time can be a useful tool to help children and parents relax, for example, after school once homework is done. Some science-based tips for healthy and balanced screen time can be found here: https://www.childrenandscreens.org/
*Tip: Remember, not all screens are created equal. Some are inherently more reinforcing than others and as a result, these activities can lead to dysregulation and dependence. The website https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ is a great guide for what may be appropriate for your child.
*Avoid using screen time as a tool to calm down when a child is dysregulated, e.g., giving your child their iPad when they are disappointed by something and sad, or when they are really angry. This may be okay sometimes (maybe if you are in a public place) but doing this consistently prevents kids from learning important coping tools and strategies that they need to practice, in order to regulate their emotions, such as, deep breathing, tolerating challenging emotions, and noticing their thoughts and bodily sensations.
7) Special Time! Spending quality time with your child is always a good idea. Leaning into activities where we spend quality time together with no expectations or agenda can enhance our connection with and attachment to our children. Building this bond can facilitate a trusting relationship where our children are more likely to listen to us when we need them to. They are also more likely to come to us when they need help.
8) Experiences or Family Board games! Building memories is always a fun idea for everyone. Family board games that promote connection can be an important way to promote connection between family systems. Life gets busy so intentionally carving out family time can really improve relationships among family members.
*Tip: If your child struggles with aspects of perfectionism, focus more on the process of play, get creative, get dirty, get connected, and follow their lead. Focus less on the outcome and be sure not to place any expectations on the play itself (e.g., it’s okay if they don’t want to finish the whole book. Say something like, you are moving on to something more fun right now and are done with the book! Perhaps we can come back to this book later).
